I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
