We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
