My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
