So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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