Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
