I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
