I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize