did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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