Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
