All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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