I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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