I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
