So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
