idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
