I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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