The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize