She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
