Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
