tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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