I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize