Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
