I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
