Im at strip club and am horny
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
