did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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