Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
