I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
