my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
