i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
