yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
