I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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