remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Two words: blizzard sex
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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