This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
