She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize