There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
