I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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