You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
