remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i dont even know how to be here
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
