Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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