i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
