Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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