i already hear my dad disowning me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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