I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
