i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
