saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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