We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize