It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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