and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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