He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize