i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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