bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize