I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
