Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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