Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize