can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
