we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
my poor anus
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
