Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He shit in the fireplace
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize