I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
