I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
