She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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