I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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