Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
