shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
