WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
