That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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