What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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