It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
