The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
