Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
