My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
