Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Your penis caused this!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
