Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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