hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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